Surviving Cheating!

Read an article few minutes ago about a young woman who reacted violently to her husband's infidelity.  This affected her health and she was institutionalised for weeks before she became calmer and better. I feel for her. No woman wants to be cheated on and lied to. In her case, her husband continued the relationship despite their marriage and it was a common knowledge to her other friends and no one wanted to tell her. When she found out, she reacted badly and became a serious medical issue for her family. 

Why will anyone allowed herself to be institutionalised because of a man? I know it hurts but hurting yourself again by being violent and allowing your BP to rise is not the way to go. That is adding salt to injury. I know its not easy but Woman take it easy. If you die, the man will go ahead and probably marry the lady you caught him with cheating against you. 

I now remembered an article i read two years ago on how to deal with cheating spouses. Cheating by African men is very common. In fact not only in Africa but all over the world. Its just that in Africa, polygamy is accepted as culture and a man sleeping with many women at a time is regarded as virile and wealthy to be able to cater for all those women at the same time. 

The article was Expert Cheating Advice by Jessica Padykula. I saved it on my desktop because it was simple to read and very instructive. 

He cheated. Now what? If you've recently discovered your spouse was unfaithful, your head is probably spinning. To help you handle the initial shock and avoid an anxiety-induced meltdown, we've put together six survival strategies for dealing with a cheater. 

For expert input, we turned to argument and affairs expert Sharon Rivkin, author of 'Breaking the Argument Cycle: How to Stop Fighting Without Therapy'. 
She outlines six steps to follow when you first find out your partner has cheated.

Take deep Breathe

Finding out that your partner has cheated can be a serious shock, especially if you didn't suspect or see it coming. Ward off panic by taking some really deep breaths, Rivkin advises. This may seem like an overly simplistic first step, but it's an extremely effective way to help shift from panic mode to functionality. Unless you breathe deeply, you're going to continually feed your panic and it will be much harder to calm down. "When you're not breathing deeply, your brain is deprived of oxygen and your body tenses, feeding the cycle," she explains. "The probability of making bad decisions increases." 

Confront the cheater

Depending on how you found out, you need to confront the cheater. Sitting on the information isn't going to make you feel any better, but how you choose to deal with the betrayal is an individual decision. Who you are, how you found out, what your relationship is like with your partner, how much shock you're in, etc., will all be factors that lead you to decide what you want to do right after you've found out that your partner is cheating, explains Rivkin. "Your whole world has fallen apart, similar to experiencing an earthquake or natural disaster, so do what your instincts dictate," she says. "Do not judge or be hard on yourself for whatever you choose to do." 

Think about logistics

Even though you're in the midst of a relationship crisis, life still goes on. Things need to get done (going to work, getting the kids to school, chores), but it can all feel like a huge task. "Nothing comes easily right now," Rivkin says. Feeling overwhelmed is normal, but don't let that feeling overtake your day-to-day life, especially if you have kids.
If you have kids, and if they see you crying and/or fighting, let them know immediately that it has nothing to do with them.
If you feel immobilized and simply can't drive your kids to school and/or their activities, make arrangements for them until you feel you are okay to drive.
"Remember, you're in crisis mode, so be kind to yourself by getting some temporary help with basic functioning," says Rivkin. 

Create a support team

Because of the deep damage to trust that this kind of betrayal brings, it's important that, if you can afford it, you find a good therapist and get help as soon as possible. "I've discovered that the couples who seek help the quickest after an affair have the best recovery results," Rivkin says. Good therapy can help a couple determine their direction (to stay or go) and whether trust can be rebuilt or not. In addition to seeking professional help, creating your support team will be a huge help. "Your team and connections will help you survive and recover from the affair quicker," she explains. "Carefully assess your relationships with others to figure out who you think will be the most understanding, nonjudgmental and supportive person." 

Ask questions

After you've confronted your partner about the affair, tons of questions will flood your mind (Why didn't I know? Why didn't I trust my intuition? Why did this happen?). It's through asking questions and feeling all your feelings that the healing starts, Rivkin says. "The questions and their answers are the first step to piecing together what happened to your relationship." It's important to look at the history and the patterns of your relationship and begin to understand where the breach of trusting each other really started. 

Create a plan of no action

Most people usually have the tendency to want to take some kind of action right after discovering a cheating partner. It may help for the moment, but because you're in crisis, your judgment can be impaired, so it's wise not to make any big decisions at this time, Rivkin explains. Instead, make the smaller decisions first: Get a therapist, read a book, talk to your support system, do some writing and do some talking with your partner. "You will ultimately have some major decisions to make as to what direction you want your relationship to go, but these decisions will be made with time and clarity," she says. So for now, don't make any major decisions.


Now critically assess the situation and answer this question:

Can you end your relationship or marriage because of cheating? 
a) Yes 
b) No. 
c) It depends on the situation

Send your response.       

Adieu GOLDIE HARVEY

On the day that the World celebrates LOVE, 14th February, fast-rising Nigerian Singer and Big Brother Africa star game housemate, Susan Oluwabimpe Harvey popularly known as Goldie died. She died the evening of Thursday, 14th February 2013. So sad. The supposed day of love, giving, caring and celebration was the day of sorrow and grieving to her family, friends and record label.

I read it first on twitter but I could not relay it. Needed to be careful. I remember once,  I read that HID Awolowo was dead and i did not cross check before posting it on my Facebook page. I was embarrassed when it turned out the info was false. So i vowed that any news received via twitter or any other Social Media  must be verified first before I share it.

According to reliable sources, Goldie passed on after she returned from a trip to the United States where she went to attend the 55th Annual Grammy Awards which took place in Staples Centre in Los Angeles.
Goldie was pronounced dead in the late hours of Thursday shortly after she was rushed to Reddington Hospital,Victoria Island, Lagos.

Its only now that news is filtering out that the cause of death is Pulmonary Embolism. According to the report on National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute  “pulmonary embolism is a very serious condition. It can damage the lungs and other organs in the body and cause death. It is  “Life-threatening blood clots caused by cramped seating condition from long travels. A study  of business travelers confirms the risk, particularly for those who take long flights or fly frequently.

“Immobility is considered a major factor behind the condition, called deep vein thrombosis. People who fly four hours or more, the study found, have three times the risk of developing clots compared with periods when they did not travel. D.V.T. occurs when a blood clot forms within the large deep veins of the body, usually in the leg. If untreated, part of the clot may break off and travel to the lungs, where it can cause a pulmonary embolism, a potentially fatal condition.”

Goldie after the Big Brother Africa Stargame, has been traveling according to close friends. She was a frequent traveller, going to Kenya, Uganda, US for Jay Z Concert with Prezzo, South Africa etc. The friends confirmed that she had complained of stress in the past weeks, but insisted she was fine.Unfortunately, she was not fine at all and died before medical help could get to her. 

“It is with heavy heart that I have to inform you all that Goldie passed this night shortly after arriving Lagos from LA. May her soul rest in the eternal peace of the Lord"

The above message was posted on her twitter handle by one "admin". With this post at least we can confirmed that it was not a rumour after all. That its true! What a loss!

The singer’s corpse has since been taken to the General Hospital, Ikeja morgue.


 Goldie with Prezzo in Big Brother Africa Stargame, her in-the-house boyfriend. She showed in that game that she is humble, kind and very domesticated. What she used to portray in her music was quite different from who we saw in BBA. She was really down to earth, very caring and sensitive.



Goldie was called  Susan Filani and from Ekiti State, before she travelled to London. She changed her name to Susan Harvey on arrival from London but fondly called Goldie which she says is derived from her bronz complexion. 



 

Recently I read in the National dailies that someone showed up claiming he was her husband. Would not know how true because she is not here to defend herself, her actions or inaction. The only think I can ask is where was this man when she admitted to IK Osakioduwa, the presenter of BBA  last year,  that she cared very much for Prezzo? Was the man not watching telly or reading papers? What is the man's motive? 

Whatever it is, may her soul rest in perfect peace.
 

Genevieve Nnaji - Nigerian Superstar

Genevieve Nnaji - face of Mud

The first time I actually sat down to watch Nigerian Home Video was when I watched 'Keeping Faith' by Ego Boyo starring Genevieve Nnaji and Richard Mofe Damijo . I went to the camp to buy a Christian movie and the Lady showed me a rack of Nigerian movies. I saw the DVD and I bought thinking it was a christian movie because of its title. But after watching it, I fell in love with Genevieve Nnaji's acting or interpretation of her role. It was so beautifully acted that from then I became a fan.

To me she is the real Superstar of Nigerian Home Video popularly  called Nollywood. She is unarguably the most famous and consistent actress of them all. She has became the most demanded for leading lady by most Directors and Producers. She is the best paid actress in Nollywood.

In fact Oprah Winfrey hailed her as the Julia Roberts of Africa. This is not a mean feat to be compared with the best in Hollywood. This was when she featured in Oprah Winfrey programme called ‘Meet the Most Famous People in the World of Entertainment. She was described as the most famous actress in Nollywood. Am very sure Oprah and her team would have done their research unlike Nigeria where there are no statistics, to come up with that conclusion. This is true. Genny has been around for a while and has grown over the years.

Not long after that she was chosen as Connector of The Day on CNN’s Connect The World program. 

So on November 23, 2010, she was interviewed by Max Foster on CNN. She spoke about the challenges Artists and Entertainers go through in AFRICA and especially in Nigeria with rigid culture and custom.

She was the real Genevieve,  bold, articulate and confident. Telling it like it is as Dolapo Oni, the presenter of MNET Studio 53 Extra will say it.  

Genevieve Nnaji did not just come suddenly. She started her acting career as a child actress in the popular television soap opera Ripples at the age of 8.  Most of Nigerian A-list Actors and Actresses actually starred in that soap and Fortune. People like, Ramsey Nouah, Pat Attah, Lizzie Benson, Regina Askia, Bob Manuel Udokwu etc. It was a learning ground for all under the Sheik of Nollywood , Zeb Ejiro. I remember then that Zeb Ejiro's office was close to Pako, Aguda in Surulere and a lot of them were always milling around there. Ramsey was close to my sister then, that is another story for another day.
By 1998, at the age of 19 she was introduced into the Nigerian film industry which was just coming up with the movie “Most Wanted”. She went on to Starr in several other movies like  Last Party, Mark of the Beast, Ijele, Passion and Pain, Wind of Glory, Blood Sisters, Promise me Forever and Keeping Faith which I watched.  So far she has starred in over 85 movies and still counting. 
For her versatility, consistency and professionalism, she won the African Movie Academy Award for Best Actress in a Leading Role in 2005.

To show that her creativity and talent is not only in acting, she signed a recording contract with EKB Records, a Ghanaian record label in 2004, and released her debut album One Logologo Line. I remember the chorus of the song 'No more fighting o oh'. The song was more of women empowerment slogan than any thing else. Well it enjoyed air time then. 
That same year she became the Face of Lux in Nigeria. She went around as Lux ambassador giving motivational speeches since Nollywood decided to rest all of them in 2005 and introduced new faces like Ini Edo and Mike Ezuruonye. 

Othe Brands tapped into it and signed her up to represent them - MUD cosmetics, Coscharis Motors and now Range Rover ,

She has acted so many roles but i like when she acts the part of  a naive little girl or this helpless poor lady. She is really natural, really talented when it comes to acting. After that her debut album, she concentrated on acting and it has paid off.

In 2010, Genevieve Nnaji starred in the award winning film Ijé: The Journey

GENEVIEVE NNAJI is also a philanthropist. She did a lot of that when she was the Lux ambassador. She was in London for Naomi Campbell gala launch of Fashion For Relief pop-up shop. The charitable venture received donations from designer brands. The donation went into the Prince’s Trust, a UK based youth charity that helps change young lives. Genevieve was there to celebrate with Naomi. She wore a beautiful green dress with nude platform pumps. She looked good when i saw it that i took the picture and stored it on my phone. She is one of the Nigerian actresses who is conscious of her weight and has kept it slim over the years.  In London, she was also promoting her movie, Mirror Boy.

I have her pictures on my phone and am always interested in any activity she is involved with. Actually when i opened a twitter handle, she was the first person I followed. I keep wanting to do a story on her but never came around to it until I saw this picture and others claiming she has a secret daughter hiding somewhere and I now decided to do this story to celebrate her. She has done so much in portraying the Can-do spirit despite all odds. She is a role model. She is the only one in her chosen profession who keeps her life out of the public glare. I remember when she was interviewed on Teju Baby's show and was asked about Dbanj , she just said he has a good heart and that was all. Others would have started talking about the relationship, but not my Genevieve who is calm, cool and collected all the time.


People should let her be. Having a daughter early in ones life is not a bad thing but a blessing. So why this castigation or criticism?

She has done well for herself and has become the face of NOLLYWOOD globally. She is the black beauty that should be celebrated.

Ride on GENEVIEVE. Your best is yet to come.