Submissiveness in Marriage.

People have written a lot about Marriage and how wonderful it is that you would think divorce will be deleted from our vocabulary but no it is not. Infact in this age and time, Marriage is no longer as wonderful as it should be, divorce is now becoming a trend and no one wants to endure with the man/woman of their youth. At the slightest appearance of difficulty and misunderstanding they want to give up. People now are quick to forget the vow they made to their partner on their wedding day.

I try a lot of times not to make my writings sound religious because to me, Christianity is a relationship with God our Creator and not something to be 'practiced' as some claimed. I do this with the intention of carrying a lot of people along. I hope I'm trying well enough.

Talking about marriage, I believe no matter your religious inclination, everyone wants to have a wonderful and great marriage and no religion preaches intolerance in marriage. I know that  all religions of the world preaches that submission is very essential in marriage and the lack of it, is one of the major problems in marriage.

A lot of marriages face problems in this times and most is because of lack of submission. See, be not confused when i say submission and don't think it is only the wife that i am talking about. The context in which submission is used here is not in relation to women alone, a man also needs to submit to his wife.

A man submitting to his spouse in marriages is building a lasting relationship. I do not mean becoming complacent and accepting folly from your wife. I mean discussing issues affecting everyone in the family and listening to your wife's advice.

We shall consider what makes a marriage great using the GREAT acrostic, GREAT meaning the following:

G---Giving:  Remember that when you give to your spouse, he will want to reciprocate. The bible says in 2 Cor 9: 6-7 that when you give/sow sparingly, you get sparingly but when you sow/give generously, you get generously. Give your time, affection and money to your marriage and you will have more joy and happiness flowing in that home.

R---Relating: Try to relate more. Talk more and doubts and suspicions will not have a foothold in that home.

E---Edifying: This is instructing especially to encourage intellectual, moral, or spiritual improvement so do it gently.

A---Allowing: Allow your partner to express themselves verbally, artistically etc. Give them space. Be more understanding to what they are saying, acting out or doing. Most times, pent up emotions can increase or cause high blood pressure.

T---Touching: A touch shows affection, love, kindness, understanding and support. A casual touch of holding hands goes a long way to show support and understanding. in fact it says "I am here"  and  'you are not alone".

In the above, it shows that both husband and wife have to do the same for a great marriage. Both have to submit to each other. Both have to show more understanding and tolerance in that relationship. Don't listen to the so called friends or family members who tend to know more about your spouse more than you do. Most times they are wrong. They just want to cause misunderstanding in your relationships.

No matter what you are going through in that marriage, God will see you through. The Bible says, ---Wait for the Lord and keep his way, and he will exalt you to inherit the land; you will look on when the wicked are cut off. I have seen a wicked, ruthless man, spreading himself like a green laurel tree. But he passed away, and behold, he was no more; though I sought him, he could not be found. The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; he is their stronghold in the time of trouble. The Lord helps them and delivers them; he delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in him. (Psalms 37:34-36, 39, 40 ESV)

If you submit to your husband or wife and people think you are weak, please ignore them. Do you know most people will definitely envy how close you are to your spouse and will come up with irrelevancies to separate you?

At times they say there are looking out for you but do they really look out for you? Do they? When I had misunderstanding in my marriage, I had a lot of advice from friends and family members both solicited and unsolicited. I know I was hurt especially when I think I gave 100 percent and my husband gave 50 percent to the relationship. They all meant well. But I knew the decision lies with me to stay or move on. I was hurt, really hurt but I had to go to God and submit all.

Okay I want to ask, Is Submission in Marriage only for the wife?

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Widows drinking Corpse water

In Akwa Ibom State and most of the States in the South of Nigeria, there is a very dehumanising Custom or rite that Widows perform when their husbands die unexpectedly. I said unexpectedly and not young because even if the man is as old as Menthuselah, the community will still want the wife to perform this terrible rite.

This  Custom is the forced drinking of water used to bath the dead husband by the widow. This custom is ancient and has so many negative implications on the woman. The Spiritual implication is that the departed will haunt the woman for the rest of her life. Health wise, the body is ravaged by infections and diseases and psychologically,  rejection and condemnation plagued the woman.

Traditionally, it is believed that the men are stronger than the women so when a woman outlived her husband, then she must have killed him. In order to clear herself, she must drink this dirty and polluted water to show her innocense. If she survives, she is celebrated and if she dies, then her sins have caught up with her. Most times, these women dont survive.

Why Dont They Survive?
The Corpse being washed most times have started the process of decomposition and anything touching it is not fit for human consumption. That bathe water is not hygienic or good for drinking. A woman drinks, and is locked up in a little filthy and airless hut for days. Medically, she will have cholera and fever. When she starts vomiting and stooling, they will say her sins have come back for her instead of taking her to the hospital for medical attention. Within days, the woman drops dead and the community says, shes quilty of killing her husband.

I remembered a particular incident as a child several years ago where the woman who was my mothers friend was stripped of all her husband properties and was forced to go to the village to perform this rite. It was a pathetic incident as the woman and her children were crying and pleading to be spared that terrible experience. We all joined in the weeping fete but these wicked family members insisted she has to go if she still want to be part of the family. Eventually, she went with them and never came back. A daughter surfaced years later to tell us, the mother did not survive. For the daughter, she swore she will not marry someone from her State.

So I am  happy that Akwa Ibom State Government in a bill passed by the House of Assembly and signed by the governor, Chief Godswill Akpabio, outlawed this custom and others which maltreat widows after the deaths of their husbands, declaring it as unlawful and inhuman.

In the Governor's Democracy Day speech,  29th May 2013, he declared that it had become unlawful for widows to be maltreated in Akwa Ibom, saying defaulters of the law risk fines and three years imprisonment. His wife, the First Lady of the state, Chief (Mrs) Unoma Ekaette Akpabio, commended the House of Assembly and the governor for the pro-women law, describing the passage of the law as a breakthrough for the womenfolk in the state.

This came 12 years  after Enugu State passed a similar law "The Prohibition of Infringement of a Widow's Fundamental Rights Law, 2001-A Law to Make it Unlawful to Infringe the Fundamental Rights of Widows and  for Other Related Matters". The law specifically forbids forcing a widow to drink the water used to wash her husband's corpse.

So far three states have passed laws against punitive widowhood rites. These States are Enugu, Edo and Oyo state. But implementing or enforcing the laws are the major problems here. I hope, Akwa IbomState will not fall into this category of States passing laws and not enforcing them.

Honestly, it is still normal for a widow, whether she is suspected or not, to be compelled or forced to perform this rite or other rites if she wants to be cleared of any suspicion of killing her husband.

Emem Isong, one of the foremost Producers and Directors in Nollywood, highlighted the plights of widows in her Film 'UYAI'. The Widow played by INI EDO was suspected of killing her husband that she recently married and was subjected to this rite by the women of the community. She fainted after drinking the water and was left to die.  

I pray more women will become educated and insist on their rights not to kill themselves with the poison from their wicked in-laws.

Wedding of Tu Face and Annie Idibia

 On the 23rd of March 2013, in Dubai,  Annie Macaulay & Innocent '2Face' Idibia finally said 'I DO' and were joined together in Holy matrimony.

Their love story is not a new one but its unique in the sense that they battled a lot of odds to be together. I never thought they would ever come back together after all the babies named after him but they did. This to me is true Love. Love conquers all. But, how did it begin?

They  met years ago at Even Ezra Music Studio when she was just fifteen and in her words, "I think there was some electricity that second" (whatever electricity means). They became friends and by the time they shot the "African Queen" video in 2004, they had started dating. This was confirmed during an interview.

According to Annie Inyang or Annie as she is called, the romance blossomed during her 16th birthday celebration at the Alpha Beach and they all had a wonderful time with their friends. She said it was real fun because then tuface was not a star but made her feel like a star. She said after the party, they all walked to the bus stop and when they boarded a bus, he paid for everyone and that made her very proud.

As the relationship waxed stronger, Tuface popularity  grew and so came women who wanted to be part of the fame. But Annie and Tuface struggled to keep the relationship together and also also work on their careers.

When we started hearing rumours that gave Tuface the nickname, 2baba ( meaning father of many children like father Abraham), we began to wonder what was going on with his celebrated  relationship with Annie. In quick succession, 2Face had gotten two different women pregnant – Pero Adeniyi and Sumbo Ajala.
It was later we heard that they had broken up. Within years, both ladies (Pero and Sumbo) had given 2Face four kids. I remembered one of the ladies claiming she was very close to 2face's mum. She even came to Moment with MO Abudu to say it. I then wondered if 2face mum was the link or she was just used by the Lady to get to her son, 2face? 

We were surprised when we heard that Annie miscarried and later on gave birth to 2Face's fifth child called Isabel. We were happy that they had reconciled only to be shocked by Pero's third child for 2face.

But I guess, Tuface realised that the woman who is with you and loves you when you had nothing is truly in love and everything must be done to keep that woman. Because in 2012, 2Face proposed to Annie on Valentine's Day at Jay Jay Okocha's Club 10 even though they were not dating but communicating. She accepted and  on Tuesday, May 1 2012, they legalised their union at the Court Registry and the Traditional Wedding on Friday 8th March 2013 in Akwa Ibom State. 

Altough many people criticised the lavish nature of their white wedding in Dubai, i think they deserved that and more. They have gone through so much individually and together. Tuface have been shot at severally and they have survived break-ups, make-ups, miscarriage, baby mamas' and smear campaigns.

They deserve to be happy. I wish my sister, Annie Inyang Macauley and 2face Innocent Idibia happy married life.

Why Problems?

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Why would a loving God, allow you to face problems in your life? Why can’t He just instantly give you a perfect life? Do you ever wonder if He is really interested in helping you to win and achieve in life?
Sometimes life’s challenges just seem impossible to overcome: Financial challenges are ever at your doorstep; just when you think you’re about to have a breakthrough – then something goes wrong; you have to contend with jealous co-workers ; it’s taking forever to buy that car; you have family issues – and you just don’t seem to appear to be winning in all these areas.

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

When we are facing problems in life, it can be difficult to believe that God has a plan through every challenge that we face. We can be tempted to believe that God is more interested in punishing us than in helping us. We can be tempted to believe that God would rather see us struggle than conquer.

However it is important to learn from Jeremiah 29:11 that God does not purpose in His mind to harm you. God loves His creation and you are created in His image. God is not sadistic. God will therefore never create you so that He can spend His time ensuring that only bad things happen in your life.
Believe me, God has great plans for you. God’s plan is to “prosper you” and “to give you hope and a future”.

Therefore if you are facing problems and challenges in your life, God may allow them for the following reasons:
 

1) God Wants to Build Your Character

 – God is more interested in you developing your character and becoming mature so that in Christ, you can cope with anything that life may throw at you. When you face problems, it might be that God wants to teach you specific values and virtues through your problems such as patience, perseverance, love, faith and the like. (My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. – James 1:2-5NKJV)

2) God Wants to Teach You About Himself

 – Ultimately God also wants you to know Him and to know His character. God can use problems to change your perspective about life and about Him. For example, some people who have had sickness or near-death experiences have been known to radically and positively change their outlook on life. Therefore God can use problems to help you refocus your perspective and to view Him and His plans for your life more correctly. (“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts. – Isaiah 55:8-9NKJV)

3) God Wants You to Help Other People After You Have Conquered Your Problem 

– People who have overcome abuse, a tragedy or any type of problems are more effectively able to comfort, empathize and counsel a person who is going through similar circumstances. (Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.- Galatians 6:1-2NKJV)

4) God Wants to Prepare You For A Future Position or Mission in Your Life

 – God is able to use your current challenges in life in order to build your character and resilience for a future mission or role in life. You may not understand the purpose of your challenges in the present, but they will make sense in the future when you have arrived at the place that God wants you to be in life. (Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.” And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them. – Genesis 50:19-21NKJV)

5) A Life of Sin Is the Reason for Your Problem 

– Living a sinful life or making sinful choices can cause problems in your life. God is not to be blamed for your problems, especially when the cause of your problems is a sinful choice or life. Sometimes we can make wrong choices on our own that land us into problems. Therefore when we live a sinful life, we then separate ourselves from God and because of sin our perspective and our approach to life’s problems become ungodly. (But your iniquities have separated you from your God; And your sins have hidden His face from you, So that He will not hear. – Isaiah 59:2NKJV)

6) God Allows Problems in Order to Test Our Hearts

 – God may allow problems so that He may test your heart and your motives. God is not merely interested in giving you the things that you want in life – but God is more interested in you having a genuine and growing relationship with Him. For example, do you follow God just for what He can give you, or do you follow God simply because He is your loving Creator? (“The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it? I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, Even to give every man according to his ways, According to the fruit of his doings. – Jeremiah 17:9-10NKJV)

It is therefore important to understand that challenges and problems are not always present so that they may destroy us. But in certain situations, God may use our problems so that He may achieve His will and His purpose in our life. And for every trial you face, God is faithful and He will provide a way for you to escape and be victorious.
It is therefore important to understand that challenges and problems are not always present so that they may destroy us. But in certain situations, God may use our problems so that He may achieve His will and His purpose in our life. And for every trial you face, God is faithful and He will provide a way for you to escape and be victorious.

Romans 8:37-39 NKJV
Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Remebering Dr. Levi Ajuonuma

I Flew Dana Air to Abuja and back last weekend with my husband. In Abuja, we visited one of our family friends and when we told the man we took Dana Air, he was surprised. I asked him why and he said because it crashed last year. I told him the company is back and doing good because their flight is always on schedule with courteous crew members and always fully booked. The man was still not convinced and I realised fear which is not of God is eating him up.
Fear is not good at all. It paralyses Faith and causes a grown up man to start behaving and reasoning like a child. Soon, I will write about Fear.
While in the friends house we remembered Dr. Levi Ajuonuma, the former Group General Manager, Public Affairs, Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation, NNPC, who was one of the passengers on the ill fated Dana Airline flight that crashed 3rd June 2012.

Dr. Levi was a member of our Church then, Powerline Bible Church. He was very active in most of the fellowships and departments of the Church that he was a member. I remember that every year before our annual Power Conference, he would have assisted our Bishop to appear in most of the television shows to talk about the conference and the speakers. In fact for the years he was a member of the church, it was like a ritual and we were always having visitors flocking to the Church during those conferences.

This was possible because Dr. Levi was a broadcaster and public relations consultant with many radio and Television Stations. He was producer and presenter of such shows as Levi Ajuonuma Live, The Sunday Show and Showtime on NTA Network, as well as The Nation Today Live on NTA Channel 10. He had another show called  Open House Party on Raypower 100FM, a programme that ran for years. He was also the owner of Lasom Communications Ltd (a consortium of media and public relations consultants), engaged in marketing and public relations consultancy for a number of organisations such as the United States Information Service, Federal Road Safety Commission, Nigerian Institute of Structural Engineers etc. He also designed and produced corporate marketing and brand promotional TV programmes for corporate giants like Nigerian Breweries Plc, Cadbury Plc, Intercontinental Bank Plc and others.

Dr. Levi Ajuonuma was a broadcaster per excellence. He had been in the industry for about two years before he proceeded to the United States of America  (Huntington College), Indiana, where he bagged a Bachelor of Arts in Communications. He later got a Master of Arts and Ph.D in Mass Communication from the University of Minnesota in 1983 and 1987 respectively. 
He worked briefly as Assistant Professor at the Department of Journalism, Keene State College of the University System of the State of New Hampshire, USA.

Dr Levi Ajuonuma

When he eventually came back to Nigeria, he got engaged with productions of shows on television and radio stations. That is why the church then was always getting free air time.
He got married again in the church but one of his Shows then created problems between him and our Pastor and he had to leave but he was still in touch with my husband for his legal issues. We were really sad that he was one of the 153 people who died in the ill-fated Dana Airline crash at Agege, Lagos last year.

His hardwork paid off as he was later employed as the Chief Image Maker of the NNPC. He was able to deploy relevant communication tools to get Nigerians to understand the workings of the oil and gas industry and especially the NNPC.
His dedication to duty was not forgotten as Petroleum Technology Association of Nigeria, gave post-houmous award of  "The PETAN Outstanding Leadership Award" at the Offshore Technology Conference (OTC) in Houston, Texas, USA recently. The award was presented by Andrew Yakubu, Group Managing Director, NNPC and was was received by Michael Ajuonuma, his first son on behalf of the family.

One of his legacies in television broadcasting is the NTA Network programme, Tuesday Live, which is still running.

 I pray God will continue to be with his family and make them forge ahead as one big strong family.

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