THE ABUSED WOMAN AND THE SOCIETY

A friend of mine some years ago called me that she is in the hospital alone. She is married with 3 kids so I was surprised that she was there alone. I asked where the husband was and her reply shocked me. I quickly left the office and rushed to her side.

 The state that my friend was in broke my heart. She had bruises all over her body. Her head was wrapped up with one eye and lips swollen. Between tears and anguish, she told me her husband did that to her. I knew the man was irresponsible, reckless and a womanizer but becoming a wife beater was something else.

WHAT WAS THE REASON  for the wife to be beaten blue black? She said she saw a pack of condom in her car that the husband used the night before this incident. She just advised him to be careful since the son had previously seen one and brought it to her as balloon. The husband even saw the condom with the boy but only burst into laughter.

 For daring to advise him that he should be discreet with his infidelity and not bring it home, he slapped her. And for her trying to resist the slap, he pounced on her. It was the neighbours who came to her rescue.  It was one of them that took her to the hospital that morning and called her sister.  

I couldn’t believe it. I know the guy is violent despite the fact that he goes to a bible believing Church. My friend was already Born Again when she met him but the fear of being too old to get married, she settled for the charmer.

When the parent heard, they came to Lagos to take her home.  She left with her parents and I had to get sick leave and submit to her office. She was with her parents for 2 weeks and we had  to intercede in prayers and counseling.   The guy did not bother to call. He only called when the little son was ill and he didn’t know what to do. Her parents insisted that the husband had to come home. He went to beg her and her parent and promised he would not beat her again.

 That was not the fist time she had been beaten by her husband but it was certainly the last.

There are several  reasons that made her to endure those beating:

1)      One of the reasons she endured was  her Children. The children then were aged between 4 to 7 years. How could she leave her 3 young children to suffer?

2)      The other reason is what the society will say when she separates from her husband. In our African culture, a divorced woman is stigmatized. She is looked down on and blamed for the breakdown of the marriage.  They will say she wants to start sleeping around that is why she left.

3)      The next reason is that she may be the troublemaker who is always provoking the husband. Women are supposed to be quiet, docile, subservient and obedient.

4)      Also as a believer, she knows God in His word, The BIBLE forbids Divorce.
5) She had no job and was relying solely on her husband to provide for her and the children. If she leaves, how will she survives? 

There were  many more  reasons why my friend endured the physical and emotional abuse for years.  SO when she returned,  we advised her not to be confrontational no matter what.
We advised her to ignore the husbands provocation and not answer back even when she is being verbally attacked by the man.
Its been 3 years now and the relationship has improved greatly. Little by little the WORD of God is getting to her husband.
The Bible says in Proverbs that a soft answer brings peace and that is the weapon my friend is using. She does not answer back and does not allow any argument to get out of Hand. And to the Glory of God she got a job immediately after she came back.

But many other women are not as lucky as my friend. So many have died from physical abuse and many are maimed for Life or disfigured by their husbands.
The Society is not helping matter. The law also is not strong enough to convict these wife beaters. There have been so many declarations and convention on the elimination of  Violence Against Women but these have not stopped or eliminate wife battering. The impact of these convention has been minimal or zero when it comes to Nigerian men.
 Its sad that many women are suffering these physical, emotional and psychological abuses and they cannot speak out.

This cycle of abuse below has explained a lot.......... If a woman notices that tension is increasing and she is fearful of the husbands' reaction, its better she does everything to calm him instead of aggravating him.
Please wives, don't allow the situation to get out of hands. Be wise.